As they have done with so many other words, the perpetually aggrieved have muddied the word “tolerance” and turned it into a term that agitates and divides. That sad realization came to me as I was walking around the concessions courtyard of the Nikon Theater at Jones Beach, NY prior to a Black Sabbath concert.
Crowds at metal shows can be “colorful,” despite a predilection for wearing black (albeit one not quite as strong as is found at Goth shows). At this show, there was a particular standout among the usual spectrum/bestiary I’ve typically observed. A woman, dressed in a black rubber dress, was leading a man around by a chain and dog collar. The man was dressed in a leather cap, black bob wig, lipstick, eye makeup, a cropped Black Sabbath T-shirt with an overstuffed bra underneath, a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, sky-high black platform heels, pink nail polish and red toenail polish. He was a big guy, too, an obvious gym rat, and heavily tattooed. The couple were certainly attention-getting, which I figure was the point. The great part was, that, other than some old fat white-bearded crank and a few jovial folks who chatted with them, the crowd simply took it in with smiles and went on their way. The white-beard started screaming something about “See kids, this is why you don’t do drugs!,” which only added to the casually entertaining aspect of the whole thing.
While this couple went well beyond the normal spectrum of metal concert goers (a spectrum that’s wider than at most other concerts), their getups didn’t elicit anything negative or confrontational. Was this “tolerance?” In the traditional sense, certainly, but “tolerance” today comes saddled with all sorts of baggage. “Tolerance” often requires affirmation, as in you’re expected to actually demonstrate it somehow rather than simply going on your way. And, that “somehow” often involves hunting down and denouncing those you deem “intolerant.” This behavior is self-perpetuating and virally infectious, because people who are minding their own business will feel pressured to join with the tolerance wolf-pack to find others to denounce. Theres no peace or harmony in such behavior, and it causes social destruction rather than engendering social acceptance.
In place of tolerance, I propose people embrace apathy. Oh, not the hateful apathy of ignoring when others are being wronged, but the benign apathy of accepting without comment or look-at-me affirmation of those who are “other.” The Poles have a saying:
Nie mój cyrk, nie more małpy – Not my circus, not my monkeys.
It’s a pithy (and, yes, the homophonous -pithecus’ pertaining to apes/monkeys doesn’t escape me) way of saying “this isn’t something I need concern myself with,” and it’s a good way to live. It’s “live and let live,” it’s shrugging off what you perceive as others’ differences or oddities, it’s acceptance rooted in apathy. It’s a great way to live. The less that you let bother you, the less bothered you are, and the less stress you have in your life.
Be selective in the things that bother you and that eat up your energy. There are times to be outraged, there are times to be judgmental, and there are times to react. These times are far fewer than most of us think. When tempted to react, ask yourselves – am I better off not reacting? You may be pleasantly surprised to say “yes” far more often than you think, and on those occasions when you do feel a response is proper, you’ll have more focus and energy.
Embrace apathy. There’s peace, harmony and joy to be found therein.
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