I have a social media rule: I don’t initiate political posts or arguments on my main Facebook page. I break this rule only on extremely rare occasions, and when I do so, it’s almost always something funny, sarcastic, and nonpartisan (typically “pox-on-all-their-houses” sarcasm). I do most of my Facebook politicking in closed groups, and, of course, I have this blog as an outlet.
I do, on the other hand, engage in political discussion on posts that others have initiated, I do “like” others’ political posts, I do follow a number of open political pages, groups, and people, and I have quite a few FB friends who are “political” rather than personal. This means that people who care to do so can see my politics to some degree, either by checking my activity or because Facebook decided to tell them I “liked” or commented on some article or page. Despite all this, I stick to the first rule – I restrict my main FB postings to non-politics.
This isn’t remotely true for my circle of friends – “friend” friends and acquaintances, rather than the aforementioned political friends. The election and the run-up to it produced a LOT of Facebook postings from many friends, whether they be liberal, conservative, Democratic, Republican, centrist, libertarian, socialist, or whatever. I occasionally engaged or responded to these, but found that, as time wore on, my frequency of engagement (even insofar as liking, hating, “wow”ing, etc) diminished. In realizing this, I also realized that the reason for this wasn’t entirely my own weariness or ennui with it all. Increasingly, such posts were either angry venting or wild-eyed hyperbole, and I saw no point in responding. Moreso, the sense has been growing in me that all I could expect from responding was negative in nature: from the mild (“you’re one of THEM”) to the extreme (“we are no longer friends”).
This is a great shame, but it seems that, increasingly, ours has become a society where friends of different political stripes simply don’t want to engage with each other. I have friends who are very liberal, and I have friends who are very conservative. I have examples of both who put it all out there, no filter, no temperance, blasting anyone who believes “X” or doesn’t despise “Y.” I’ve seen many posts that, if taken literally, would easily constitute personal attacks (and, I must admit, I did take the bait on one post that said “If you believe ABC, unfriend me”). But, mostly, I just ignore the “angry screed” stuff that crosses my feed, and I’ve unfollowed (but not de-friended) a couple friends who post too often and too over-the-top. The aforementioned “unfriend me” incident aside, I’ve only unfriend 3 people in my entire FB life, all of whom were merely political connections that either started personally attacking me or became FB clutter.
On the “real-life” front, I have friends and acquaintances who are apolitical, who are mildly interested, and who are overly partisan and quiet, and who are overly partisan and loud about it. I have found that, among the latter two groups, I can engage with some honestly, I can engage with some carefully and with deference/reservation, and I don’t dare disagree with some lest they go non-linear on me. While I do try to be respectful of others politics, I’m sure I have friends who know mine and tread warily around me similarly. I do my best not to risk friendships over politics – the former are far more important than the latter, to me at least.
Unfortunately, losing friends over politics has become more normal in the 21st century. Since the turn of the millennium, we’ve had 3 presidents: George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Donald Trump. It’s arguable that each was/is more polarizing than his predecessor, but part of me wonders if there’s a chicken-egg thing going on here. Is the rise of social media and its facilitation of easy tribalism a cause of this polarization?
Consider this FB post I witnessed and saved before the election:
I haven’t posted much about the upcoming election, but I just found out my dad is voting for Trump and my mom is undecided. For once, I’m ashamed to call them my parents who are well-educated immigrants and have voted Democratic every election.
Note that the OP doesn’t just voice disagreement with his parents’ politics. He expresses actual “shame” to his peer group and FB circle. While it is a common trope for high school teens (who aren’t fully formed adults yet) to be ashamed of their parents over silly stuff, the OP was a grad student, and has no hormonal/pre-adult excuses for feeling “shame” that his parents have differing political views. This is not only disrespectful, it’s narcissism that borders on the sociopathic. It’s also increasingly prevalent. Our friends and family of the “wrong” political inclination somehow taint us by association, and if we don’t denounce or disavow them, our peers might judge our failure to do so and we might feel ostracized or rejected from our peer group. These are the roots of political correctness and the social justice movement. It’s a HUGE problem in society that people can’t differ in opinions without going to a personal level.
I’ve chosen not to sever friendships or break family ties over politics, but I must admit I feel that’s because I do the “water off a duck’s back” bit when I see what some people post and hear what some people say. I wonder, if the roles were reversed, if I posted at the same level of ire or hyperbole as they do, or speak in the same angry tones, if they’d extend me the same courtesy. It’s a shame I have to wonder.
Loading ...
I completely share your thoughts on friendship. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, because I needed to write an essay about friendship.